What We Were, Are and Have Yet to Become
by trekangel
Summary: A five-part series showing random, out-of-sequence moments of romantic, fluff between River and the Doctor. Because what comes between their firsts and their lasts…is everything.
1. Chapter 1

**What We Were, Are and Have Yet to Become-** Five part series showing random, out-of-sequence moments of romantic, fluff between River and the Doctor. Because what comes between their firsts and their lasts…is everything.

Set post-A Good Man Goes to War; 11th Doctor, River, Rory, Amy. HIGH FLUFF CONTENT warning. Cheery, AU (Canon? What canon?) about what I WISH we would see happen between River and the Doctor. River Song is usually the one with the spoilers, but this time, the Tardis accidentally gives the Doctor a chance to turn the tables.

I ask in advance that you please forgive my inferior inner city-educated grammar and just enjoy the story as it's meant to be...a tribute to two of the most brilliant characters in sci-fi who are simply divine when they are together. Note: This story will probably go through some edits before all five chapters are done, so come back when you can!

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><p><strong>Part 1: A Little Part of You<strong>

The air in the Tardis feels a little cool considering that everyone was dressed for summer this time, but the Doctor doesn't worry since the trip was not going to take long. It was Amy and Rory's third anniversary, and to celebrate, he promised to take them somewhere lovely and hot, so that is exactly where they were going. Until then, he enjoyed the fact that they were all in the Tardis talking like old mates…no urgent missions, disasters or danger of any kind in sight.

Rory is standing to the side of Amy, who is seated in one of the chairs to the left of the console, and River is seated next to her, her arm draped across the back of Amy's chair as she listens to Rory catch them up on all that news from Leadworth, doing her best to show genuine interest, bless.

"Well, Amy's parents were a bit wound up that we weren't going to spend this anniversary with the family, but we promised them we'd get together for Christmas."

"Oh yes, Christmas!" Amy claps excitedly, "We're planning something really special, and we'd love for you two to be there."

"Really?" River asks. "Well I'd love to see your parents again."

"You've met them already?"

"Yes. I met them briefly at your wedding. Augustus was trying quite unsuccessfully to write out a toast for you, so I gave him a few ideas. I remember him being quite jolly and smelling of Latakia tobacco and Old Spice."

"I remember that toast," Rory added. "I thought it sounds a little too poetic for him to have written it by himself."

"Well_ I_ thought it was beautiful. And he still smokes that pipe, you know. You should come. I think he'd like to meet you for real this time, though we'd probably do good to leave out the part about you being my daughter. _No way_ he's going to understand that."

River throws her head back and laughs. "I agree! And I think that I'd like that very much."

They share a bonding smile as River places her hand on Amy's shoulder. It brings a measure of comfort to the Doctor to listen to them and see that Amy's resentment over being denied the right to raise her daughter in order to preserve River's time line was fading. The tense reunions were becoming less and less so with every new meeting and old scars were starting to heal, which was perfect. This was a day to forget about bad things; to just have fun and enjoy being alive and together just like old times…except without the running, the shooting and the Viking funeral of course. If they could manage it just this once.

"Welcome to Heliopetraxis!" the Doctor shouts from across the room as he flips a few levers, turns a few knobs and the wheezing hum of the Tardis' engines ceases. "It's the only place in the galaxy whose indigenous intelligent inhabitants live solely at the planet's core, so we have the whole of the surface to ourselves, although that doesn't mean that clothing is optional, so keep your knickers on." He points to River, who rolls her eyes and scoffs at him, but still smiles teasingly. He allowed himself to revel in everything that it meant and might yet come to mean, because he was starting to really fancy that smile, along with the bantering and the hello sweeties and, god help him, even the guns.

She's still grinning mischievously even as she rises from her seat and checks the console opposite him, but she holds back from making any sarcastic remarks to read off the data. "Environmental scans show a climate much like Earth's, with frozen Polar Regions, but centralized continents leaning towards tropical climates. We are on one of the equatorial islands."

"Yes," the Doctor continues, "And it looks like the weather is…_hmm_," he murmurs quizzically, slapping the sides of the scanner as its readings go haywire, flashing wildly between meteorological data, body scans and random historical information. "C'mon, old girl, what's gotten into you today?" The Tardis shudders softly and finally displays the statistics for the beach outside. "Ah, here we are! Twenty-nine-point-four degrees Celsius, a breeze blowing in from the south at eighteen miles per hour, humidity at forty percent and a one hundred percent chance of…_positive_."

"Cool," Amy says as she slathers sunblock on Rory's nose, "I love a positive forecast."

"No…" he responds under his breath, "I'm _not_ talking about the weather." He slaps the monitor again, changes some settings and when the information he wants flashes on the screen, he freezes and covers his mouth with both hands. "Ooh…"

He shoots a sideways glance at River, who simply raises an eyebrow at his odd reaction. "Slight change of plans. River, get your diary. Rory, Amy, outside. Don't forget your togs, enjoy the beach, fun in the sun, jump right in the water's fine." He shoves a picnic basket into Rory's arms and pushes them protesting through the door, which he slams shut once they are out and then drags River to the console by the arm.

"Doctor! What's wrong with you?"

"River, what were you doing exactly five weeks, two days, forty-two minutes and thirteen…fourteen…fifteen…Oh forget that! Forty-_three_ minutes ago?"

"What?"

"Your diary. Check your diary."

"You know the rules, sweetie."

"_I know_ I know the rules! You don't have to tell me the details. Just…look at it. Did something…_unexpected…_happen?"

"No, it was a perfectly enchanting day if I remember correctly."

"Well, indulge me for a moment and check."

"It would help if I knew what you were looking for."

"Just tell me where you were."

"Alright," she huffs, shaking her head in frustration until she comes to the page in question. "We went to Florence, Italy in 1515. You had Leonardo Da Vinci paint my portrait." She looks up and smiles nostalgically. "They were right in the middle of carnival that week, and we danced and danced in the streets."

"Ah, Davinci. Yes, wonderful man, lots of ideas, curiously ahead of his time. But never mind that. I need you to think very carefully, River. Is there a possibility that you could have…brought something back?"

"What? Like a souvenir? Or are you inferring that I stole something from Da Vinci?"

"No, not at all. Besides, it would be much more valuable than a souvenir and definitely more…_rare_…than a stolen piece of art."

"No…I didn't bring anything back." She answers, irritated, and then flips through her diary some more when he starts using his sonic on her. She tries to swat his hands away but they keep flailing around her. "Are you mad?"

"_Mad_? No. Surprised? Definitely; and _nothing_ surprises me. '_Surprised'_ is new." He eventually stops, reads what's on the sonic and braces himself against the console, looking from River to the scanner again before finally settling his eyes only on her. "River, are you feeling alright?"

She blinks at him a few times, seemingly perplexed by his question. "I feel fine. Wonderful. Never felt better. I think the better question would be do _you_ feel alright?"

"Oh, I'm good. Yes, fit as a fiddle. Absolutely perfect, except for that I thought…well…" He pauses, his face contorting as if he was remembering something unbearably painful, "But now it seems it's not so, is it? Anyway," he continues, snapping back into the present, "For a person my age, I am quite extraordinary; perhaps even _miraculous_. Do _you_ believe in miracles, River?"

"Miracles? Now I _know_ you've lost your mind," she replies crossly, folding her arms in front of her chest defiantly as she watches him turn the scanner screen towards her. "What's that?"

"That's you. Well, not '_you'_ you, but…_inside…_of _you_."

River leans in closer to look at the scanner's readings and gasps. "No. It can't be. That's impossible."

"Nothing is impossible. And, although I may on occasion but very rarely lie, and _you_ almost always certainly from time to time lie, the Tardis _never_ lies. River Song, you are…_pregnant_."

River tilts her head as she thinks for a second like she's calculating something inside her mind, flips a few pages in the journal, then looks up. "Oh bugger!" Suddenly looking as if she's about to faint, she backs away from the console, bracing herself against one of the Tardis' railings until she finally slumps into one of the comfy chairs, completely speechless.

"So, it _is_…?"

She stares at him for a moment then nods. "The Tardis doesn't lie."

"Then, you and I, we…?"

"Oh yes. Quite often."

"Ooh…" The Doctor's eyes grow wide and he blushes, scratching his chin before shaking his head and speaking again. "But I thought Time Lords were…"

"So did I."

"So that means that I'm _not_…"

"Apparently not."

"And at some point in the future, we are…_will be_…?

"Complicated."

"I should say so."

"Indeed."

He comes and sits next to her, both of them looking mortified and befuddled, like naughty children sent to the principal's office trying to figure out an excuse for whatever trouble they were sent there for. A few times each of them turns to the other to speak, but the words never come, and River's eyes dart everywhere but on him until finally she looks down and traces a circle across her abdomen.

"I guess we should probably talk about this."

"Yes," he chortles. "No sense in worrying about spoilers now."

There are exasperated sighs, bashful glances and fidgeting hands, but there are still no words as the awkward silence stretches on and on when finally, the Doctor tilts his head quizzically, looks at River, then looks up to the ceiling.

"Hmm," he purrs, grinning with a wide, awestruck smile until finally, he laughs like a giddy schoolboy.

River looks at him like he's just grown six heads and rolls her eyes. "This is _not_ funny."

"No, it's not," he exclaims, jumping out of his seat and spinning around, "It's brilliant! _YOU_…are brilliant. _This_…" he takes her hand and pulls her to her feet, dragging her close enough for him to trace his fingers across her abdomen, "…is brilliant. River, you have a piece of me-_a piece of_ _us_-growing inside of you! That hasn't been possible, shouldn't be possible, and yet here it is, and how could it be anything but…_brilliant_?"

He stares at her with equal measures of confusion and reverence as his hands rest reassuringly on her shoulders, and watches as the left corner of her mouth twists into a smile. By god he loved that smile. He loved how it softened the warrior in her eyes, and he marveled at her like she had become something sacred…as if her body had become the very temple of the High Council of Gallifrey itself. She reaches across to stroke his cheek, her eyes welling up as she looks back over to the console. Still awe-struck, and almost in unison, they drift back to the scanner, touching the representation of their child's DNA helix that hovered and rotated between images of their DNA and a glowing, blue blob that represented the tiny, developing fetus.

"A little piece of you growing inside of me," River whispers softly.

The Doctor spoons tightly behind her, his eyes closed as he wraps his arms around her and pulls her into him. She leans her head back, accepting the comfort of his embrace, and he buries his face in her hair while caressing her abdomen, wishing he could touch every part of her at once. And in a way, he does. They share the transfer of intense emotion, the vibrant buzzing of life, invisible tendrils of nameless, unquantifiable energy binding them together, and they linger that way, clinging to each other wordlessly in the quiet of the console room until the Tardis' doors slam open.

"Oi, you two!" Rory shouts as he bursts back inside, "Plannin' on joining us any time soon?"

They pull apart quickly as Amy comes bouncing in right behind him.

"Ha! Why don't you tell them the truth?" she blurts out before turning to the Doctor. "He just wanted to make sure you weren't in here having a quick shag."

Rory shoots an accusatory glance at Amy. "Okay…now that's _awkward_!

"Us? No!" River answers quickly, wiping away any evidence of tears as the Doctor chortles and steps in front of her.

"No! No shagging for us. Fully clothed, just standing here talking. See?" He raises his hands and waves. "Hands _not_ on the daughter," he snickers nervously. "At least not yet."

He didn't mean for the last part to be said out loud. And the slip up doesn't get past Amy.

"Not yet? What do you mean _'not yet'_? Were you and River-"

Rory covers his ears and shouts. "Nope! Not listening! Don't need to hear this! _SO_ do _NOT_ need to hear this."

Ignoring Rory's protests, Amy notices the serious expression on River's face as she tries to sneak over and flick the scanner off. "River? What's going on?"

"Oh look, the day is half gone already. We really should visit that beach straight away…"

River makes a move towards the doors and Amy shoots her a suspicious glance before running to the scanner and flipping it on despite the Doctor's futile attempt to get there before she reached it.

"What's this, ay?" She leans in to look closer and is her jaw drops in shock. "Is that…?"

Rory pushes past the Doctor to take a look, then backs away and points at the scanner. "That thing is saying that River is…that you are…is that right? Are you pregnant?" River sighs heavily and nods. "And _he's_ the father?"

"Look," the Doctor responds, backing away from Rory, "I know that this has come as quite a shock to everyone, but I think that right now, it's something that River and I should be talking about privately."

"Oh, I don't think so," Rory shouts, folding his arms as a sign that he wasn't going anywhere. "She may be older than me right now, but I'm still her father and I want to know what your intentions are towards my daughter."

"Now hold on…" River says, stepping in between Rory and the Doctor to prevent any potential fisticuffs from breaking out as Amy grabs the scanner with both hands and looks at it again.

"Good god!" she starts to ramble wildly, "You're having a baby! You and the Doctor are _actually_ having…! Which means that the two of you must've had…? Ooh and I _so_ _knew_ _it_! At the crash of the Byzantium I said that you were his wife and you are, aren't you? But then, that means that the Doctor is…oh my god…my son-in-law! Blast! Is he _really_ my son-in-law?"

"Amy, it's not as simple as that."

"Simple?" Rory interrupts, "I think we're _way_ past bloody simple here! You're having a baby…a _time_ baby, which means we're going to be grandparents and he's going to be a dad, but he's just standing there looking all wonky and not saying anything!" He turns to the Doctor and waves a finger at him reprovingly. "I think you have some explaining to do."

For a few moments, not a peep is heard inside the Tardis, but once the second wave of shock wears off, Amy, Rory and the Doctor all erupt into a blaring chorus of questions, concerns and mildly hysterical opinions. Covering her ears and rolling her eyes, River makes for the doors and heads outside, leaving the others standing around looking at each other.

"What did we say?" Rory asks before heading out to follow her.

"No," the Doctor answers, holding him back, "You stay here."

"But-"

"Rory, let him go," Amy says sharply before reaching out for his hand and squeezing it reassuringly, then nodding to the Doctor with a faint smile as he leaves. "He's right. This is between him and River."

The Doctor can hear Amy and Rory talking until he gets a couple of feet away from the Tardis, and then there's nothing but the sound of surf, wind and the occasional squawk of random, delicate avian creatures flying overhead. It is incredibly hot out, even for this time of day, and the sun is so bright that he has to squint while he scans the area for River. He eventually stumbles across the picnic basket and blanket that Rory and Amy had left behind and notices River's sandals tossed nearby, so he follows the footprints leading away from them and finds her standing ankle-deep in the ocean about a hundred feet from the Tardis, looking out into the horizon. The coppery evening light glowed around her, giving her an angelic aura that made her even more beautiful than he already thought she was, although he scarcely admitted to himself that he even noticed that aspect of her until this very moment. He studies her as he leans against a palm tree to strip off his shoes and socks, and wonders about her faces. Was this her first? Second? Were they all this stunningly beautiful? Was this his favorite? Yes, he answers himself. Even if there were any others, he is pretty sure that this one was his favorite. Now free of his footwear and blazer, he finally rolls up the cuffs of his trousers and makes his way towards her through the warm, gentle, turquoise waters.

The fabric of her sarong is swirling around in the surf, but she doesn't move-not even as the sand around her sloshes out from under her feet and buries them-and he finds himself torn between the irresistible urge to go up and wrap his arms around her, and the urge to run. Fast and far. He never expected in any of his lifetimes that he would be having this kind of conversation with anyone, and yet here he was, about to talk to the mother-to-be of his child about being a father-to-be. A family man. The urge to run hits him again and he knows why. It was one thing to lose a companion-he had lost many over the years-but an entirely different thing to potentially lose a family. He had gotten over losing the others-Susan, Romana, Sarah Jane, Rose-but this…oh, losing this would kill him. He was sure of it. And that was why he ran. That was why he _always_ ran. Until her. Somewhere down the line, this woman makes him want to stop running.

He watches River's hair dance in the breeze, her eyes ablaze with that same wistful look that she had the last time he saw her standing on a beach. It was on Alfava Metraxis and she was wearing that military uniform and handcuffs after the crash of the Byzantium. She had an odd, dreamy look in her eyes, and he didn't understand back then what she might be hiding behind that expression, but now it was all becoming clearer, and he ached for her. His River; carrying the burden of knowing everything she knew about him, Amy, the future…and not being able to say a word; sheltering feelings of love and devotion in the secret places of her heart even when he treated her like a stranger that he couldn't trust. It makes him dizzy thinking about it. There is so much to say and he has no idea where to start, so he chooses to not say anything and simply stands by her, letting the warmth of the sun wash over him until she turns to look at him with a slightly wearied expression.

"I'm sorry about all that," he whispers ruefully, nodding his head back towards the Tardis, although secretly, he meant it in respect to everything else too.

"No, it's okay. I think just needed some air."

"Ah, good, good. Fresh air. Air is an essential element for growing babies. It's pretty good for their mums too, so I hear."

She chuckles at his attempt to be sympathetic and rubs her belly. "I'm really going to be one, aren't I?"

The Doctor reaches out tentatively to place his hand on top of hers, but then goes to retract it until she reaches over and pulls it back, clasping it tightly against her. She was afraid. She was doing a good job trying to hide it, but he could feel it bubbling right there underneath the steely layer of coolness she always depended on to hide her feelings. He gulps back the lump in his throat and reaches into her mind to push the fear away with every ounce of courage he could muster.

"You can do this, you know, being a mum."

River swallows hard and shakes her head. "I don't know. Of all the things I ever imagined I would be, this was never one of them. I don't know anything about having a family. And I know even less about babies."

"Rubbish. You'll be great. And what child wouldn't want someone like you as their mother? You are truly extraordinary, River Song, and I have absolutely no doubt that you will be everything you need to be for this baby. You have fought some of the most horrifying creatures in the known universe and left them begging for mercy. Certainly being a mum will be _a lot_ easier than that."

"It wasn't as easy as I made it look," she says jokingly. "But you're probably right. Though I suppose this means I'm going to have to start locking up my guns."

"Most definitely! You and your guns," he chuckles. "If we're lucky this baby will grow up to take after me and be happy with just a good sonic. And a bow tie, of course. Even if it's a girl."

"Of course!" River beams and they both laugh lightheartedly, but then the silence returns, hanging in the air between them for a while until she speaks again, a tone of melancholy in her voice. "I think it might be best if you took me home now."

The Doctor's brows furrow at those words. Take her home. Home _away_ from the Tardis. He felt a sudden ache in his chest and a massive knot forming in his stomach at the mere thought of saying goodbye to her again. Goodbye, see you later and until next time were phrases that he no longer found acceptable when it came to her. Not anymore.

"You could stay, River. With me. Try traveling in a straight line for a bit."

"Stay with you? Do you really want that?"

"Don't _you_?"

"Oh, I'd love that more than anything. You have no idea how much more. But we've had this conversation before. You and I, we don't live our lives in a straight line."

"Yes I know…big, complicated, tangled ball of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey stuff."

"Yes! And if I stay, if I pull one thread of it out, it could unravel and change everything."

"It could, but then again, it might not."

"Well I'm not willing to take that chance. Not if it means keeping you from doing what you must in order for this to even happen."

"So what am I to do? Do you honestly think that I can just let you leave and then go about my business pretending that I don't know that you are out there somewhere carrying our child? How am I supposed to do that, River?"

"I don't know! But what other choice do I have? And let's say I stay. What happens when we land somewhere and what starts out as an ordinary adventure makes that inevitable leap into danger and mayhem? Hmm? Am I to stay locked away in the Tardis barely able to see my own feet over my belly and let you have all the fun?"

"Well, that's one option. You certainly won't be able to run around shooting people and jumping off of things all pregnant and, you know…" he flails his hands around, making the shape of a big, pregnant belly in front of her.

"God I hate you," she huffs, pushing him away as she walks out of the water, marches across the sugary, white sand and throws herself onto the abandoned blanket.

"No you don't," he answers with a smile full of swagger and conviction.

River opens her mouth to respond, but manages to only shake her head, cover her face with both hands and howl into them in frustration before laying flat on her back.

_Ooh, a disconcerted River Song,_ the Doctor muses. That's something new. It was oddly diverting to him to see her so undone; the brilliantly clever River Song, who for once, didn't have a quick comeback. It made sense, though. After all, she'd be the one to have deal with the hard parts…the cravings, the weight gain, the pushing and the screaming and the crushing of his fingers while she swears how much she hates him through clenched teeth. But he wants it. He wants it all and he wants it _now_…not sometime in the future when the version him who actually co-created this child would know exactly every circumstance that led up to this moment. He's jealous of his future self for that, especially as he moves towards her, taking special notice of the curve of her body outstretched on the sand; the way her shirt fit tightly around the curve of her breasts; the lines of her legs showing through the open draping of her sarong; her hands cradling the spot that had suddenly become the place where all of his hopes and dreams had taken physical form and were waiting to be born into reality…

He sits down next to her and runs his hand over her belly, lifting her shirt slightly to expose the still-firm, tight muscles of her abdomen. He can feel her reach over to run a hand through his hair, clenching it lightly as he leans over, kissing the flesh beneath her belly button, resting his forehead there to try and feel the child's life force deep inside. He gasps in wonder when he finds something there; something new and strange and full of giddiness and warmth. He doesn't know if it even has a brain yet, but he concentrates with all his might and imprints all of his joy and his love and every beautiful thing threatening to burst his hearts into a million pieces into every fiber of the growing child so that before it's even born it will know…and wherever it may be, a part of him will always be there. River gasps beneath him and shudders from the intensity of the sensation, sending it reeling back into him with such force that it takes his breath away and leaves him thinking that if it's this amazing just holding her, how much more so must it be to make love to her? To allow himself to open up and love her?

"Stay with me, River," he whispers longingly.

Moaning softly, River opens her eyes and looks up at him, and reaching out to finger his bow tie before stroking his cheek. "Do you truly know what you are asking for?"

"All I _need_ to know is that you and I have made a little Time Lord. Do you have any idea how amazing that is? Through some wondrous act of creation we made a little person who will have my brains and your hair-but hopefully not Rory's nose-and will have the whole of the universe for its playground."

River laughs and strokes his hair tenderly. "You're serious about this, aren't you?"

"I'm _always_ serious. Except of course when I'm not, but even then I am quite serious about not being so." He inches closure and reaches for her cheek, caressing it with his thumb before going on to trace every contour of her face, reading as much of her as she'd allow him to and wordlessly pouring everything he couldn't give voice to into every touch until she could feel it too. "Stay with me."

"If I do this, even for a little while, you do know that we will be cheating, don't you? And not just a little bit of cheating, like breaking out of the Stormcage for an adventure or two, but a really big, life-altering kind of cheating."

"It's not cheating…it's called taking the scenic route. And as with all voyages, the scenic route is always the most interesting, especially when you have a time machine, which_ I_ have, so there's no end to how long I can make a little while last. Besides, who's to say this isn't exactly how it's _supposed_ to happen? River, I _want_ to be there when this baby takes its first breath. I want to be there for you through it all. And not just as some future version of me, but as I am _now_. I want you to stay. Please…_stay with me_."

"Alright," she answers, reaching over to play with his braces, "I'll stay for a little while. _Maybe_."

"Maybe?" he huffs in mock indignation.

"Yes, _maybe_. And just so you know, if this ends up ripping a whole in the universe, it will be all _your_ fau-"

"Oh shut up…"

He leans over and silences her with a kiss, running his hand along her side, hips abdomen before pulling her body completely into his embrace without even once parting his mouth from hers. He had forgotten that it could feel so divine to hold someone like that, and yet, it was more blissful, more significant, and phenomenally grander than anything he had ever felt before. Everything he ever wanted was there in his arms…in River, and in his hearts forever.

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><p>Back at the Tardis, Amy is poking her head outside the door and can see far enough in the distance to make out what was going on. "I think everything is going to be alright," she says in a tone that was half melancholy, half joy.<p>

"Really?" he asks, moving towards the door. "What's happening?"

Amy holds him back and closes the door. "I think we should just stay in here."

"Why? Are they…?"

"No, Rory, it's okay. It's right that this is happening for them. This is a chance for River to finally have a family, and the Doctor…well, now he's not the last Time Lord anymore. We should be happy for them. They belong together."

Rory looks from the door to his wife, and sighs with a faint smile. "Kind of like you and me, oi?"

"Yup. You and me, belongin' together." She strolls over and kisses him. "Happy anniversary, stupid face."

He laughs and kisses her back, and she giggles as he presses her against the railing with a firm embrace. "So I guess this probably wouldn't be a good time to tell them, would it?"

"I dunno. I think he still needs to get used to the idea of being a dad before we tell him he's going to be a brother-in-law."

"Yeah, I guess you're right," Rory replies as he crouches down and presses his cheek against Amy's belly. "And you in there…no time-head this go 'round, ay?"

Amy laughs again and scruffs his hair. "No time-head. No soldiers, no headless monks, no arms with an empty blanket; just you and me being a regular ol' mum and a dad."

Rory shoots her a dubious grin. "Mum and dad…AND grans! Bless, Christmas is going to be interesting this year."

"It's going to be brilliant," Amy offers comfortingly before embracing him tighter, "just bloody brilliant."

* * *

><p>Next chapter: "Hello. I'm Captain Jack Harkness"<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

**What We Were, Are and Have Yet to Become-Part 2: _Hello, I'm Captain Jack Harkness_**

Set somewhere in the middle of the Doctor's future/past travels with River and before Children of Earth and Miracle Day, when Jack was less angsty. SPOILERS UP TO TWORS. It somewhat reflects the Doctor's interactions with River through Jack's eyes.

_*Note: RE-EDITED 12/28/11. Thanks for following. Again, this is how I WISH things would happen, and isn't necessarily meant to reflect the reality of the relationship, so just go with it and have some fun. My muse kind of went on vacation this week, so I hope it doesn't disappoint!_

* * *

><p>The Maldovarium wasn't the safest place in the universe to go for a pint-not that many alien bars in this sector were-but it was exactly where one went to procure information for exploits of a clandestine nature when necessary. It just so happened that the person who had the information that the Doctor needed this time was the one person he thought he'd never see again.<p>

Captain Jack Harkness.

The tail of his wool coat fluttered behind him as he followed the Doctor down a dark, non-descript hallway in the neglected underbelly of the Maldovarium, rambling on and on with the same frenetic exuberance and suggestive innuendo he always used to try to charm someone into giving him what he wanted.

"…So and I said to them," he chortled, tugging on the Doctor's sleeve to slow his pace, "_Uh, sorry guys, but that WASN'T a cucumber!"_

The sound of Jack's deep, bellowing laughter echoed through the desolate hallways around them, but when it faded, it was quickly followed by nothing but the steady clang of water dripping onto metal and the quiet hum of the building's generators while the Doctor just stood there, eyeing him blankly.

"Don't cha get it? It wasn't a-"

"No, I get it." The Doctor scratched his chin absentmindedly, clearly not amused by the bawdy anecdote. Jack threw his hands up in the air and huffed as the Doctor spun around and continued on his way through the ever-narrowing passageways.

He shook his head and sneered, realizing that if it hadn't been for the fact that the Doctor had recognized him first, he probably would have come and gone from that bar without ever knowing they had crossed paths again, and for a moment, it saddened him to think that the time they spent traveling together-him, the Doctor and Rose-was now probably nothing more than a minor footnote tucked away in an small chapter of the mental history book of this new Doctor's past. Even with the hundreds of lifetimes he himself had left behind, Jack had always counted those days as some of the best times of his life, with all the running and shooting and bliss of not being the man in charge. So much had happened since then, but he was sure that there were still good times to be had. There had to be.

"You know," he mused as he watched the Doctor try to figure out which way he needed to go, all bumbling, lanky arms and legs, "you seemed to have lost your grown-up sense of humor with this younger face."

"Rubbish," the Doctor responded as he fiddled with his sonic to illuminate the path in front of him.

"Yeah, you have. Time was you would have laughed at that story and topped it with one of your own. But now…you're all work and no play. And more importantly, what's with the bow tie?"

"I wear a bow tie now. Bow ties are _cool_," the Doctor answered in complete seriousness.

"Uh, okay," Jack replied dubiously. "If you say so."

"I do say so, so respect the bow tie and promise to behave yourself or I'll leave you back there with your hairy mates at that bar!"

"Alright, alright! I promise. I'll be good! Scout's honor." Jack raised his right hand in an oath, while secretly crossing the fingers of his left hand behind him like a rascally child all set to get in trouble the moment his parents' backs were turned. Whatever was next, it would be so good to not have the weight of the world or the fate of humanity resting on his shoulders for once; even if it was just for a little while.

"Very well then," the Doctor sighed reluctantly. "You can come along just this one _last_ time. Now where in the world did she…_Aha_!" he shouted as the dim light of the sonic finally found the bright blue doors of the Tardis at the end of the hall. "Here we are!"

The big, white letters of that old police box were a welcome sight to Jack and he couldn't wait to see the inside of her again. He was barely a step behind the Doctor, and as this new version of his old friend ran up to unlock the doors, Jack moved to go in ahead of him but halted right at the entrance. "_Whoa_…" he proclaimed with a ruddy grin followed by an exaggerated wolf-whistle.

The Doctor leaned to the side to try and discern what it was that had Jack so captivated and his eyes instantly shot wide open at the sight. A woman-and a _drop-dead_ gorgeous one at that-was standing quite scantily-clad at the Tardis console. She was stretched on her tip-toes to reach into the upper part of the console, her hair an untamed mass of strawberry blond curls, the pale, smooth skin of her belly and thighs streaked with smudged, black finger prints.

"Blimey!" The Doctor muttered to himself, still frozen in his tracks and more than slightly awe-struck.

"Hello, sweetie," she crooned to the two men, completely unfazed neither by her lack of attire, nor their reactions to finding her that way.

"Well Hello!" Jack answered as he fixed his collar and then sauntered forward. "I'm Captain Jack Harkness. And _WHO,_may I ask_,_are_YOU_?" She stepped back from the console and turned in his direction, giving him a complete visual once-over from top to bottom before she spoke.

"Doctor River Song."

"_Doctor_ River Song? Ooh, nice. You must be a handy girl to have around."

"Oh, I am," she responded matter-of-factly, wiping her hands across the tight muscles of her abdomen as the two men walked up the steps towards her. "But I was talking to _him_." She cocked her head towards the Doctor and strolled over to him. "And what sort of time do you call this? I've been waiting here alone for hours and The Tardis has been in quite a snit."

"Why? What happened to her?"

"It's the environmental controls. They've gone completely haywire and it's jumped nearly twenty degrees in the past hour."

"Yes," the Doctor replied as he fanned himself, "I'm getting that. But why are you all…" He stepped between her and Jack and flailed his hands about as he motioned to her nearly non-existent clothing, a lacy, black bra and what could possibly have passed for a half-slip had there been enough fabric, "…_exposed_?"

"Because it's incredibly hot in here!"

"Oh, it certainly is!" Jack growled as he peeked over the Doctor's shoulder and shot River a lascivious wink before starting to take off his coat. The Doctor whirled around and pointed at him sternly.

"No! No more taking off of the clothing!" he yelled with surprising displeasure. "And you," he grumbled to River, pointing that same accusatory finger in her direction, "What did you do to make her mad?"

River rolled her eyes and shook her head, her fists balled at her hips. "I didn't do anything. I was working on the control panel _exactly_ as you asked, and things suddenly started going all wonky." Ignoring the Doctor's temper tantrum, she moved back to the console and stroked the side of the Tardis' scanner as if it was a sick child's forehead. "I think maybe she doesn't like the anomalous electromagnetic signature of the environmental field surrounding the city."

"Or maybe," Jack offered, flagrantly ogling her much to the chagrin of the Doctor, "she just enjoys watching you run around in your knickers." He winked at her again and waited for her response, but all she did was raise one eyebrow in such a way that she might as well have just laughed him, obviously unmoved by his attempt at bravado. Then she did something unexpected. She waltzed over to him and re-fixed his collar, patting him on both his shoulders as she leaned in to whisper in his ear.

"Actually," she purred in a low, sultry tone, "I rather think that the Tardis prefers it when I am _completely_ out of my knickers, right my love?"

Jack knew that although River was talking to him, that little endearment was most definitely meant for the Doctor, who blushed beet-red and loosened his bow tie before clearing his throat. He flashed a self-conscious, sideways glance at Jack as he stepped forward and led River gently but quickly by the arm back to where she had been working.

"Yes, well…um…getting back to the Tardis…"

River chuckled, and without skipping a beat, held up a torch to the bundle of the wires and tubes dangling down from the center console. "I managed to trace the problem to the atmosphere monitoring subsystems and was getting ready to bypass the thermo couplings through the protyon unit."

"Don't be silly, you can't do that! You'll just end up either freezing us to death or worse…burning up the entire thing! And I am _not_ in the mood to have my atoms blown into a giant cloud of glowing Time Lord bits today."

"I'm telling you, it's going to work."

"And I'm telling _you_ that it won't, so just go slide over and let me take care of it. I'll just need to find some magnetic field sensors first." The Doctor turned away from the console and tentatively made his way down the stairs, looking back at Jack and River before disappearing and shouting from around the corner. "_Don't either of you touch anything while I'm gone__!"_

River scoffed and rolled her eyes agains, but still smiled as she crossed her arms in front of her and leaned against the edge of the control panel. The seconds ticked away with an awkward silence as she looked at Jack, he looked at her, and then they both started to look around the console room in a vain effort to avoid more eye contact with each other. Well, she was avoiding making contact with him. He was more than happy to feast his eyes on her and welcomed the chance to study her further, duly impressed by this woman who was as different from Rose, Donna and Martha as a five-point star was from a grain of salt. She was obviously exceptionally intelligent if the Doctor trusted her to get elbow-deep into the Tardis' innards, but even more obviously, she was stunning. And stunning in a way that demanded attention. Even standing there smeared with grime and sweat, she was luminous. She also had a manner of speaking, not just to the Doctor, but also to him, like she wasn't intimidated by anything or anyone, that was entrancing; icy-cool, viciously sarcastic and wildly sexy. He bit down on the corner of his lip and decided to walk over to her, leaning against the console on one arm while trying to put on his best smoldering, flirtatious game face, which, to his disappointment, she responded to with nothing more than an amused smirk. _A challenge_, he thought to himself. He loved challenges. And so he dared to step a little closer.

"So…a doctor, eh? And what, exactly, are you a doctor of?"

"Archeology." She answered, watching him suspiciously. "And what, exactly, are _you_ a captain of?"

"Well, I'm not _really_ a Captain right _now_, per se…"

"Ah, I see. Well mister _'Not really a Captain'_, why don't you make yourself useful and hold this."

River shoved a tray of tools and random mechanical parts into Jack's hands, and although she was practically making no effort, the force of it made the tray thud hard against his chest. _Incredibly strong, _he mused to himself. _Possibly not entirely human._ He made a mental note of that as he watched her hop up onto a flat part of the console to get a better reach into open access panel, holding the tray up for her as he followed the track of the beads of sweat that rolled down the curve of her spine while she worked, mingling with the smudge marks until they trailed grey lines down her skin and into the lacy edges of her slip-skirt-underwear thing. She was muscular, but lean and evidently quite flexible. Then there were her eyes, all cat-like, full of fire, and an intriguing shade of green that changed color depending on the angle of the light. But there was something else about her…something he couldn't quite put a finger on. She was roaming around the Tardis half-naked as naturally as if she had been on it just as long as the Doctor and it responded to her instantly, almost affectionately. He'd never seen anything like it before. Not even after Rose went and looked into…well, that was a long time and a different lifetime ago. This was a whole new console room with a whole new Doctor and a whole new whatever-River-Song-was. _Conversation_. He needed to start a conversation.

"You seem to be pretty comfortable with these controls. How long have you been traveling with the Doctor?"

"Oh, a very long while now."

"Really? And how long's _a very long while_ _now_? Did he have you hidden in one of his secret rooms? Because the last time _I_ travelled with him was barely four, five years ago, and I definitely would have remembered it if I had met _you_."

"I'm afraid it's rather complicated."

"What's so complicated about it? It's a simple question that begs a simple answer."

"Simple? If you really knew the Doctor as well as you claim to, you'd know that nothing's ever simple when it comes to him."

"Ah…being evasive. That's interesting."

No, she wasn't being evasive. She was being _protective_. Jack realized it the more he studied how River's expression and body language tensed up and changed under his scrutiny. It was very subtle, and most people wouldn't have noticed it, but he'd been alive for a long, long time now and he could tell when a person was hiding something. She just hadn't known him long enough to be aware of that fact, or the advantage it gave him in verbal volleys like this one, so he let the silence linger for a moment before seeing how much further he could take it.

"Are you in love with him?"

River stopped what she's doing, looked down at him crossly and scoffed. "Excuse me?"

"The Doctor. Are you in love with him?"

"You're rather cheeky considering we've only just met."

"Cheeky? I'm just trying to make polite conversation."

"Well that's none of your business." Jack peered deeply into River's eyes and he could see that he'd struck a nerve, but it became especially evident when he tried to inch his way a little closer to her and suddenly felt the sharp end of a chronometric stabilizer poking him in dangerous proximity to his nether regions.

"_Ooh_…I'm sorry," he responded contritely, unwilling to test her dexterity. "I crossed the line." He backed off slowly; raising both his hands up in the air as a sign of surrender, and found himself squirming under the intensity of her red-hot glare until she and returned to her task with an irritated scowl. "Look, River, erm…Doctor Song…I think you and I started off on the wrong foot and I know it's all my fault, but I'd like to try again. I realize that have no reason to trust me because right now I'm nothing more to you than some devilishly-handsome, mysterious stranger from the Doctor's past, but I think that once you get to know me, you'll find that I'm really quite a guy. _Really_. I am. Ask the Doctor."

River laughed genuinely, shaking her head without looking back at him. "I bet you are."

The smile softened the strain in her face, assuring him that it was safe to proceed with conversation again. But just in case she was still harboring a lingering inclination to gut him, he resigned himself to admiring her from a few paces away as the Doctor trudged back into the room, a trail of metal bolts and nobs clanging onto the floor behind him. Jack straightened up instantly and folded his arms behind his back. "I'm behaving. See? No hands. "

"Good," the Doctor answered with a propitiated nod before turning his attention to River. "Oi! What part of _don't touch anything_ did you not understand? Get down from there!"

"It's okay, dear, I'm almost finished."

"Finished? Finished _what_? What are you doing?" he grunted in frustration. "River, that does _not_ go there!"

"Yes, I know, my love." She looked down for a moment, patted the Doctor on the cheek and continued what she's doing despite his protest, peaking Jack's interest again.

Enthralled by their interaction, he noticed that River barely flinched when the Doctor leaned into her _much_ closer than he had tried to get, positioning himself between her slightly-parted knees with his palms resting nonchalantly on her upper thighs as if it was no strange thing to either of them for his hands to be there. And his hands stayed there the entire time…even as the two of them squabbled back-and-forth about what parts went where while the Doctor tilted his body even closer to try and see what she was doing. But it wasn't until the he almost subconsciously started tracing little circles against her skin with his thumbs that Jack noticed lick her lower lip and writhe ever so discreetly.

For Jack, it was fascinating, in a voyeuristic kind of way, to see this side of the Doctor because, as far as he knew, the Doctor had never had a relationship that was so blatantly…_physical_…with Martha, Donna or even Rose. _As far as he knew_. This Doctor River Song, however…everything about her-from the way that she moved to the distracting way the spirals of her hair fell across her face to the way she practically purred when she spoke-was flagrantly physical. She was like all the light and fire and wonder of the vortex itself embodied in a living, breathing, flesh-and-blood person. How could the Doctor possibly resist her? And why would he even want to?

His mind raced as he imagined all the delightfully titillating things that the two of them might have done in those quiet moments between adventures, River Song and the Doctor, all alone on the Tardis with nothing but time and space and the whole of the universe at their disposal…and it made him quiver. Even the Tardis herself shuddered and whimpered, and for a moment Jack wondered if she knew what he was thinking. He could still feel part of her even now…that part of her energy that made him immortal…and it filled him with a familiar warmth that ached in him like he hadn't ached in a long time. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, bracing himself against the console until at last it started humming softly and then finally, with a soft hissing sound, cool air started circulating again. Just in time too, because he was starting to sweat and it wasn't entirely because of the temperature.

"There, there old girl," River cooed to the Tardis, stroking her center column lovingly, "That's much better, isn't it?"

The Doctor's hand joined hers as they looked at each other and smiled. "What did you do?"

"I fixed it," River beamed proudly, sliding off of the console and wiping her hands on her stomach again, leaving even more dark smudges across the milky-white flesh. And good god, it was _still_ sexy.

Jack observed as the Doctor's prior vexation melted into admiration and then into something else entirely as their eyes remained fixed solely on each other while they started flipping switches and levers on the control panel in tandem, giggling like a couple of teenagers. He suddenly felt the need to clear his throat and remind them that he was in the room too.

"_Ahem_…well done, Doctor Song." He patted her on the back, then walked over and elbowed the Doctor in the shoulder. "You know Doctor, I have always admired you taste in companions, but this time you've outdone yourself. This one is truly extraordinary."

"Yes, she is," the Doctor responded to himself more wistfully than he intended before he remembered who he was talking to. "Um, I meant yes…she is quite brilliant. Very clever indeed. But she's not my companion. Not really. Well, she _is_, sort of…though rather _more_ than just a companion…"

"Hmm, _more_ than a companion? Doctor, is there something I should know here?"

"Well, River is not my companion because she is, or I should say in _her_ future will eventually be, though she kind of is now in a way …" he swallowed hard and chuckled bashfully, "my wife. In a manner of speaking."

"Your _wife_?" Jack practically choked on the words, not quite sure if he was more shocked by the married part, the River part, or the fact that he was shocked about being shocked. "_Wife_? As in…married?"

"Yes, that is generally how one acquires a wife."

"But…how is someone your wife _in a manner of speaking_? She either is or isn't."

"She is…_was_. I mean, there was us, and the Ponds and hands being bound on top of a pyramid, and then we un-broke time and it never happened, but THEN there was that _other_ time when we-" River cut him off, wandering back around from the other side of the console and resting her hand on the Doctor's shoulder as she took over the explanation.

"What the Doctor is _trying_ to say is that yes, we are married, but he and I are traveling in sort of opposite directions through time…back to front. My past is his future, and his future is my past," she continued, her voice taking on a hint of melancholy. "I've known the Doctor all my life, and yet _this_ Doctor has only known me-_this_ me-for a relatively short while, although I think that right now we are somewhere around the middle of our time line. I know that it really makes no sense at all and shouldn't even be possible, but somehow it is, and we manage to make it work. Don't we, sweetie?"

"Of course we do. Time is _not_ the boss of us!" The Doctor grinned from ear to ear and used a small handkerchief from his pocket to wipe away a few smudges of dirt from River's cheek with a few delicate, lingering strokes while Jack stood there in amazement, profoundly moved.

"Wow. I can see it now. And I think it's pretty amazing."

"Yes, it definitely can be," River whispered, her eyes fixed on the Doctor's with a loving, dreamy mien as she squeezed his arm gently before turning back to Jack. She exhaled heavily, as if the weight of living her life in such a non-linear way had become lighter just by being able to talk about it, but just as quickly as she had let her guard down, she changed the subject, pointing to Jack's wrist. "Speaking of amazing, that's a very interesting watch you're wearing, Captain."

"Oh, this old thing?" Jack answered, looking down at the device. "It's not a watch. It's a vortex manipulator from the days back when I was a Time Agent. It lets me travel through time without the use of a Tardis. If you're a very good girl I just might let you play with it."

Jack wiggled his eyebrows playfully. He knew he was probably overdoing the hubris, but the mood needed lightening and River seemed to be more than capable of rising to the occasion. The Doctor, however, shot him a cautionary glare before quickly doffing his blazer and pulling it closed possessively around River.

"No," he cautioned her as Jack jeered, "No playing with the Captain for you, my dear. It's much too dangerous."

"Dangerous?" River asked, intrigued.

"Yes. You see, our friend Captain Jack here hasn't told you that he wasn't just a Time Agent back in the good old days. He was a _rogue_ Time Agent…not to mention a swindler and a thief."

Jack gasped in mock indignation. "Doctor, you wound me!"

"Oh trust me, Jack. It's just as much for your own protection at it is for hers. This one," he motioned to River, "She is not exactly, as you put it, a good girl either. Well, no, she _is_ good in many ways…very good indeed, but she's also _quite_ the handful. Aren't you, dear?"

River shrugged, feigning innocence. "Me? I assure you, I have _no idea_ what you're talking about."

"River," the Doctor chastised with a playful smirk, "Give it back."

River harrumphed, rolled her eyes and then removed Jack's squareness gun out from where she had hidden it under the blazer and slid it back to him across the console.

Jack jumped back, nearly tripping over his own feet as he looked down at his empty holster, completely stunned that he hadn't noticed River had even taken it to begin with. "_What the-?_ Hey! How did you do that?"

"Handy girl to have around, remember?" River smiled mischievously and walked away from him, slipping on a pair of impractically high, red heels that had been hanging on the handles of the Tardis' scanner, and just for a split-second, those shoes made him wonder if she hadn't been planning this entire scenario all along.

"Ooh," Jack exclaimed, impressed by her cunning and swagger, which now seemed to far surpass his, "She IS clever! And has a thing for guns too. She really _is_ a bad girl!"

"Well, you can't say I didn't warn you."

"But I so love 'em when they're naughty."

"Oi!" the Doctor protested, "Forgetting the '_she's my wife'_ part?"

"Don't worry my love," River replied reassuringly to the Doctor as she threaded her arms into the blazer's sleeves, "I'm only interested in him for his wrist wear." She strutted over to Jack and fingered the thick leather strap of the device, her lips parted seductively. "It's so much easier to hide than a big, blue box."

"Now, now, River!" the Doctor scolded. "It's not nice to insult the Tardis when she's so very fond of you! Besides, that thing is cheating. It's cheap and dirty time travel."

"Cheap and dirty?" Jack responded with a chuckle and a randy wink. "Oh Doctor, I _love_ it when you sweet talk me!"

"No! I didn't mean, um …" he coughed nervously, "I meant that...oh forget it! We should just go now. You know…planets to save and all." With that, he took River's hand and led her away from Jack. "Now you…" he cautioned her with a tap to the nose, "keep your hands _off_ of the manipulator. And you," he motioned towards Jack, "you keep _your_ hands off of…well, _everything_."

"Bugger," River chortled as she slinked up the stairs. "He never lets me have any fun!"

"Ha!" the Doctor cackled in response. "As if I could ever stop you! You'll actually get your hands one of those things someday, and then you'll be even _more_ impossible to keep track of!"

"Really?" River exclaimed as the doctor escorted her to the stairs. She climbed onto one step and turned into his arms, tugging on his braces. "How exciting! Which one will I have? The gun or the vortex manipulator?"

The Doctor leaned into her, resting his hands on her hips while he gazed into her eyes, all the teasing and friskiness replaced with a sweet, longing affection that conveyed something much richer and deeper than anything as simple or as ordinary as marriage, if it were possible. "_Shhh_," he whispered up to her, resting his index finger on her lips, "Spoilers!"

River laughed heartily-although Jack couldn't imagine what could be so funny about the word spoilers-then she lifted one hand to brush a stray hair from the Doctor's eyes and stroked his cheek before slipping gingerly out of his arms. "You know," she said, stopping for a moment to snuggle inside the tweed blazer he had put on her, "I rather fancy this look on me. What do you say you let me try on the rest later?"

"Oh, River Song...you bad, bad girl. What ever am I going to do with you?"

She hummed softly and let the blazer slide bewitchingly down her arms until it dropped onto the floor. "Whatever you want, sweetie; _whatever_ you want." Then with a wink, she turned around and slinked off to her room.

The Doctor inhaled sharply and then turned to head back to the console with a flushed, almost giddy expression on his face. "What?" he asked when he noticed Jack staring at him with a suspicious smile.

"So…you say she's going to be your wife…_in the future_?"

The Doctor stammered a bit before abandoning any thought of discussing it further. "Oh shut up."

Jack laughed out loud, enjoying how it felt to have the Doctor in the hot seat. He followed him back to the console and were preparing to discuss their plan for the mission ahead when River poked her head around the corner, bare shoulders hinting that what little clothing she _had_ been wearing earlier had since been removed.

"I'm sorry, sweetie, but now it seems that there's a problem with the water in my shower. Would you mind coming to take a look?"

"Oh," the Doctor murmured softly as he looked over to River then back to Jack, "Really? That's odd. But I suppose I should check on it before it gets worse. The last time we accidentally flooded the Tardis it took weeks to dry everything out."

"Yeah, I'm sure," Jack chuckled to himself as River flashes _him_ a wink this time.

"You'll have to excuse me."

"By all means," Jack answered, watching as the Doctor backtracked up the stairs slowly and disappears around the corner with River. "And if you need a hand in there, you know, with _anything_, just give me a holler." When he was sure they were gone, he snickered mischievously. "Oh, this trip is going to be _SO_ much fun!"


	3. Chapter 3

**What We Were, Are and Have Yet to Become-Part 3:_ I Know All Your Faces_**

Set post-A Good Man Goes to War, but with a younger, pre-Alex Kingston version of River sometime early in the Doctor's travels with the '_her_' she was in her past. Warnings for angst, blood and hope. 12/29/11 NOTE: This was done BEFORE we found out that Mels became River but I am going to leave it as it is.

* * *

><p>All characters are property of the BBC…I'm just having a little fun with them.<p>

"No, no River! Hang on! For god's sake, hang on!"

It seemed as though they had been running forever, and although River was trying her best, she was barely clinging onto the Doctor as he dragged her injured body through the forest. What pieces of armor she was still wearing were probably putting enough pressure on her wounds to keep her from bleeding to death, but they also made it harder for her to move, much less for him to carry her. Fortunately, the Tardis was finally in sight. All she had to do was hang on until he got her there.

"Can't…go further. Hurts…" she muttered between strained breaths and coughs, blood trickling from her mouth.

"Don't be stupid, River! You _can_," he replied as he eased her to her feet and wrapped his arm around her waist. "Hold on to me. We're almost there."

In the distance, he could still hear the sound of battle raging on the plains of Orléans. He had told her that they were getting too close to the action, even in disguise. But River had always been frustratingly intrepid…from the very day that he met her in her own future. She just _had_ to see Joan of Arc in person…_had_ to test out her own fighting skills. But as considerable as they were, they were no match for a thousand arrows-definitely not an _accurate_ one at that-launching at them from every direction, and the guilt jarred him. He should have _made_ her listen, should have insisted they leave, but up until this reckless exploit, his indulgences of her youthful curiosity had been mostly harmless, amusing and educational. He had never imagined she could get hurt; she never had before…not like this. And yet deep inside, a part of him knew this day would come. This was River, but it was not _his_ River. This was the grown-up version of the young girl he rescued from the clutches of Madame Kavorian. This was the daughter that he promised Rory and Amy he would teach and protect..his protégé, a neophyte Time Lord in training. He should have learned by now to stop promising them things that he could not guarantee. How could he have forgotten that in order for her to become the woman they knew, she would _have_ to regenerate? And how could he, of all people, have forgotten that the thing that usually caused regeneration in first place was _this_? Regeneration came from pain and danger and things gone wrong, and although he had given thought to how many times it might have happened before_, _he never thought about how many times it might happen again-_needed to happen again_-before she became the woman he knew.

He forced the unpleasantness of the thought out of his mind as they made it to the Tardis and stumbled through the doors into the familiar glow of the main console room, but before they could even make it to the stairs, River slumped to the floor, unable to go on any further.

"Something's wrong…" she cried, "I think I'm dying."

"You're not going to die, River. You're going to be fine. Your body will heal itself…just hold on."

He dashed up the stairs and grabbed a medical kit from a compartment in the center console and returned quickly, kneeling by her side to tend to her wounds. Her armor was pierced at the midsection and he knew it was bad because now there was so much blood that he could barely tell where else she might have been injured. Her deep, brown eyes were glazed over and her sandy brown hair was matted to her head with dirt and blood. She had already been rather pale, since this incarnation had inherited Amy's porcelain skin, but now it she seemed almost grimly wan, and it terrified him. If it had been him, it wouldn't of mattered, but why her? Why did it have to be her?

River winced and dug her fingers into his arms when he injected her with something for the pain. "I'm scared," she gasped, her voice low and raspy, "It feels…different. Feels…like…I'm _really_ dying this time. I don't want to die."

The Doctor looked into her eyes and stroked her cheek, his hands completely stained with her blood. Then as gently as he could, he took her into his arms, cradling her close to his chest partly to comfort her, and partly to comfort himself.

"You're not going to die, you silly, silly girl. You're going to be fine, I promise you. You'll regenerate and you'll be fine."

"But I'm only _part_ Time Lord." She answered, her voice quivering. "What if-what if I don't this time?"

"Shut up! Of course you will! Remember? I have met you in the future. I've seen what you will become and I know that everything is going to be alright."

"Right," she smiled weakly, her hands tightening around his braces as if she was holding onto him for dear life. "I forgot." She barely got the words out of her mouth when her body flinched in agony again, and he could feel it-every bolt of it-coursing through the endless network of nerves in her body. "Oh, bloody hell," she groaned, "I hate this part. Please, Doctor, talk to me. Tell me what I will be like in the future."

"Spoilers," he whispered jokingly, squeezing his eyes closed tightly to keep the tears from betraying the emotion he was desperately trying to hide.

"Rubbish. That word…it's _rubbish_."

"Ah, you say that now, but someday you're going to sing that word to me so many times that people are going to think _you_ started saying it first."

"Never," she laughed faintly, her brow furrowing as a few tears escaped down her cheek.

"Try to be still and save your strength, River. It won't be long now."

"Tell me. Please…"

Her eyes pleaded for him to distract her from what was happening inside of her body, and he realized that he _needed_ to talk her through it…just like his companions had done for him on those occasions when he wasn't alone during regeneration. He never told them back then how much easier it had been when there was someone there to talk him through it. He never told them many things that he probably should have. He would not waste the chance again.

"Alright then." He slipped his blazer off very careful so as not to lose his grip on her, and wrapped it around her shoulders as if it might shield her from harm. "Well, I suppose the first thing that I can tell you is that you will be quite mad."

"Bollocks," she murmured with a twisted grin, "don't lie to me."

"No, really! You _will_ be absolutely, uncontrollably mad. You'll almost always do the exact opposite of everything I tell you to do, and will constantly drag me into the most impossible predicaments. But you will also be rather clever and extraordinary exactly when you need to be, and I don't know why or how, but you're really going to fancy guns-which I shouldn't like, but sort of do. Oh! And somehow you will seem to enjoy hurling yourself from buildings and star liners and other ridiculous heights while expecting me to just be there waiting to catch you ever time. And what else?" he hums to himself. "Ah yes. You'll love the adventures where you get to dress up the best, and will roll your eyes and make the most marvelous faces at me when you're cross."

"I will be cross at you often, I wager."

"Yes!" he laughed wistfully. "And you will tell me that you hate me _all_ the time, but I'll know that you don't."

"I don't…" she answered softly, raising her hand to stroke his cheek, her eyes struggling to stay open.

He covered her hand with his, squeezed it reassuringly. "No, you don't."

Her body felt light in his arms and he could tell that she was fading. But she was also getting warmer, and he knew it was almost time. She moaned faintly and shuddered, clutching onto him with what was left of her strength.

"Stay with me, River. Look at me. Concentrate and breath..."

He cupped her cheek and turned her face so that her gaze locked onto his intensely. He could feel her fear pouring out of her as clearly as he could see the blood pooling on the floor around them, and tried with all his concentration to force it away from her…to comfort and console her with his own thoughts, but her body was screaming into his…imprinting him with her pain and longing and trepidation.

"More…_please_. Tell me more."

"Oh River…there is so much to say. But it can't be told. It has to be lived. You told me that once. And you will live it brilliantly, River…so very brilliantly."

"Okay," she answered barely audibly, "But…will I at least get to be a ginger? I always loved my mother's hair."

The Doctor managed a strained chuckle and pulled her closer, kissing her forehead before a trace of sadness came over him. "No, you won't be a ginger. At least I don't think so. I actually really don't know which '_you'_ is coming next-if it's the _'you'_ that I think you will be or an entirely different _'you'_ than the one who crashed into my Tardis with the red shoes and the biting wit and the most incredible, distracting hair...all curly and twisty and dancy about your face. You're going to be magnificent, River. You already are."

The tears trailed freely down her cheek now as she beamed at him tenderly, tracing his nose with her finger until they suddenly both gasped in shock. The familiar glow had started to envelope her hand with orange-pink tendrils of light that wrapped themselves around her fingers and extended up her arm while a warm, white aura radiated around her face. The time had come.

"It's okay, River, don't be afraid."

"Don't let me go."

"I won't. I'm here. I will _always_ be here. I promise you. I will be there for you no matter where you are or _when_ you are or who you are. And wherever you jump from, I _will_catch you. Each and every time."

River exhaled forcefully, and a wispy, golden plume swirled out of her mouth along with the words _"Thank you"…_which hung in the air with such a preternatural serenity that it nearly undid him. But it didn't have a chance to.

Her body started to jerk and stiffen in his arms, and she screamed...a deathly, painful, horrific scream as the flames of regeneration shot out from her in every direction. The energy blasted through the Tardis, shaking her violently and sending debris flying all around them, but even then, he didn't let her go. He knew it was risky, but he huddled her tightly to him, close to the floor so that the force of the temporal waves wouldn't hurl him across the room. He felt her body shifting and changing in his arms, bones and flesh, curves and angles, hot and cold, light and heavy…and the energy wrapped itself around him, boring her essence into him until it became a part of who he was, breaking him down and building him up at the same time so that he cried out along with her. Then, as the metamorphosis ran it's course and her face started to fade away in the glow, her lips tried to mouth something to him. He couldn't hear the words-he could barely even make them out-and yet at the same time, he knew that he didn't actually need to. Without her even knowing it she had written them indelibly on his hearts, marking her presence in his life for the rest of his days. _"I love you."_

Within moments, his young protégé was gone and everything grew still again in the Tardis.

He lingered there quietly, while around them the sound of sparks and creaking metal echoed along with his own, heavy breath and the sound of the Tardis' engines. He could barely focus in the dim, flickering light, but he could still feel River in his arms, the rise and fall of her chest letting him know that she was still alive. She had done it. She had one more in her.

He used the sleeve of his blazer to gently wipe beads of sweat and dirt from her forehead until he could see her clearly, and then, while the corners of his lips curled up into a relieved smile, he tangled his fingers through the mass of wild, golden ringlets framing her face. _His_ River's face.

"Hello, Sweetie…"

* * *

><p>Next chapter<em>-"And Thus We Shall Go to the Stars"<em>

_I promise the next chapter will be better than this one and will involve some sexy times for our Good Doctor and his lovely River. The muse is not cooperating._


	4. Chapter 4

**What We Were, Are and Have Yet to Become—Part 4: _And Thus We Shall Go to the Stars_**

River/Eleventh Doctor

Rated: NC17/Mature

Warnings: Moderately explicit sex, spoilers to "A Good Man Goes to War"

Summary: Sometime early during the travels of a slightly younger, Pre-Daemon's Run River with the Doctor, their relationship changes dramatically as they both realize that growing up can be a wonderful thing.

(Note: Yes, it's a little talky/wordy in the beginning, but I hope you enjoy the payoff in the end)

NOTE NOTE: THIS CHAPTER IS CURRENTLY UNDERGOING DRASTIC REMODELING. THANKS MOFF…THANKS FOR SCREWING UP MY HEAD CANON. But it's okay. It needed work. It really did. I WILL REPOST AS SOON AS I CAN.

THANKS FOR READING!


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